How to survive a divorce with a loved one. How I managed to adequately survive the divorce after the betrayal of my husband. Why do women struggle with divorce?

The family goes through a series of stages and crises in its development. Sometimes a crisis ends in divorce. According to statistics, divorces more often occur 2-3 years after marriage and at the age of 40-45 years. However, the peak of divorces falls on 25-29 years, moreover, for men - for 29 years, and for women - for 28 years. If we consider the age of couples, then divorces occur more often in young families (up to 4 years of marriage), in families aged 4-5 years and 10-14 years. In 70% of cases, the initiators of the divorce are wives. One way or another, you seem to have landed in the divorce statistics. Then I propose to move from words to actions, or rather, drawing up a rehabilitation plan after a divorce.

There can be many reasons for divorce. Sometimes you wonder at the absurdity of the reason (from someone's bell tower). But for spouses, the reason is always subjectively significant. The most popular and common reasons include:

• treason and (including unreasonable);
• differences in interests, hobbies and views;
• on the basis of living conditions;
• personality problems and immaturity;
• elimination of the primary basis for marriage (bankruptcy, loss of health).

There are also broader factors affecting each individual. For example, the social and economic situation in the country. Other broader reasons include:

• acceptability of divorces in society (absence of negative stereotypes);
• emancipation of women, economic independence (some individuals of the fair sex now earn more than men);
• urbanization, modernization, change in rhythm and lifestyle;
• change of values ​​and attitudes of society, departure from stereotypes and prejudices;
• changes in psychophysiological characteristics in developmental psychology and family psychology;
• early and reckless marriages.

Risk factors

Normative family crises, accompanied by tension and anxiety in relationships, are always a negative factor that can provoke divorce. But there are others:

• divorce or conflict in the relationship of the parents of the spouses;
• cohabitation with the parents of the spouse;
• separation of spouses or frequent business trips;
• early or late age of marriage (in the first case, the spouses are not yet fully formed as individuals and will change, in the second, they are already difficult to change and are fully personalized);
• idealization of a partner (“rose-colored glasses break the glass inside”);
• one of the partners;
• contradictions in temperaments (“they didn’t get along”);
• unequal social, material, intellectual or other level of partners;
• excessive employment of one of the spouses with a career;
• sexual dissatisfaction, betrayal;
• systematic mistrust and jealousy;
• infertility or other illnesses of one of the spouses;
• marriage due to pregnancy, by calculation;
• the birth of a child at the beginning of family relationships;
• antisocial behavior of one of the partners.

Additional negative factors include:

• material problems (loans, budget planning, income and expenses of each spouse);
• moral and physical overload in the family and at work;
• "monsters" of spouses (personal, jealousy);
• external forces (mass media, entertainment, friends (with whom you don’t even need enemies), envious people);
• lack of personal time;
• struggle for leadership.

Each of these factors can be dealt with if you know about it and notice its influence in time. But since we are talking about a divorce that has taken place, then this is no longer important. But! This is important to know to take into account when entering a new relationship. And please don't say "never again". When you meet a kindred spirit and a worthy applicant, you will understand that this is simply necessary.

Divorce stages

American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified 5 stages of accepting a divorce:

1. Negation. A person tries to justify the forces expended on the relationship with phrases like "this is liberation."
2. Anger. At this stage, everything that has boiled is poured onto the partner. Often it is at this stage that children are involved. There are also mutual manipulations and insults.
3. Negotiation. Attempts to establish or renew relationships. At this stage, manipulations and tricks are also possible.
4. Depression. It occurs when previous reactions did not bring the desired result. It is an awareness of the irreparability of the situation. Decreased self-esteem. A person begins to shun people, avoid new relationships.
5. Adaptation. Adaptation to a new situation, help in adapting yourself and your children.

This is not the only classification of the stages of going through a divorce. For example, based on the work of S. Duck and J. A. Lee, I have identified another 5 stages:

1. Awareness of dissatisfaction with marriage with further "chewing" and silence or expression of dissatisfaction with the partner.
2. Negotiation. This is the stage of mutual expression of claims and experiments. The most banal example is the variety of sexual life (role-playing games, adult stores). But, of course, this is the most primitive. We can talk about more sublime things: visiting a museum, trying to find a common cause for leisure. As a result of negotiations, relations are either stabilized, or the fact of discord is recognized by the spouses.
3. An official decision on the dissolution of a marriage, an introduction to relatives and friends.
4. Individual reflection. The spouses are already separately living the experience, analyzing the situation and their feelings. There are two scenarios for the development of events: positive acceptance (this is a lesson, experience) or non-acceptance (this is a failure), accompanied by tantrums and depression.

I think it can be said that the second classification better describes the process of divorce for a couple, and the first describes the subjective experiences of its members. What I want to ask is: what stage are you in right now (denial, anger, negotiation, depression, adjustment)? And have you gone through the previous one? It is important. In order to work through the divorce situation irrevocably, you need to consciously go through each stage.

Why is divorce dangerous?

I do not want to talk about how divorce affects the demographics of the country. I think for someone who is looking for an opportunity to cope with a divorce, this is of little interest. And I also don’t want to intimidate with spoiled demographics, urging not to spoil the statistics.

I propose to consider the personal most common states of women after a divorce (we need to know what to deal with):

• yearning,
• despair,
• fear,
• uncertainty,
• disappointment,
• frustration,
• devastation,
• apathy,
• low performance;
• deterioration of health,
• reorganization of life.

Sometimes a divorce hits self-perception so much that self-esteem drops. Often there is a fear of new relationships and repeated failure. The burden of divorce can poison a woman's life for many years to come.

Divorce: end or beginning?

Even in science, there is no unequivocal evaluative opinion about whether divorce is bad or good. What can we say about the understanding of this phenomenon at the everyday level? Again, having discarded all the world's problems, it remains only to talk about the subjectivity of the perception of divorce.

It is important to determine, dear reader, what divorce means to you in the end. Who was the initiator and why? What do you now have? Try to describe the following points regarding you from the position of how it was in the family, and how it might look now.

1. Economic interests and opportunities.
2. Professional interests and opportunities.
3. Socio-economic status.
4. Interests and hobbies.
5. Self-development (self-education, external self-improvement).

And the key question is: has marriage suppressed you as a person? Maybe there is nothing to regret? Yes, these are changes, undoubtedly something new and unknown. But maybe now you can fully open up: start playing sports, go to an interest club, climb the career ladder, cook, read and watch what you want? Are you sure that divorce did not open the door to the world of self-sufficiency and maximum fulfillment for you?

I dare to suggest that if the marriage broke up, it means that there was something destroying and limiting its participants in it. The question is what and for whom.

Among the advantages of divorce for a woman, one can single out the opportunity to improve life and psychological health, maintain personal dignity, and enter into new, pleasurable relationships.

I recommend looking at the situation not as closed doors, but as open ones. If it is difficult to formulate verbally, then make written columns “what was”, “what could be”. Relationships are usually based on self-sacrifice and compromise. So, I think you can find a couple of motivational sips to consider divorce as something positive.

How to come to your senses

You can successfully go through a divorce by following a simple plan. The points described below are approximate guidelines, a framework for working through divorce. To draw up detailed instructions, you need to know all the nuances of divorce and former family relationships.

1. Start your divorce work by identifying what is bothering you. What are your feelings? What stage do you think you are at? What are you afraid of? When you systematize your inner chaos, you will notice positive changes: sleep will improve, approximate work guidelines will be outlined. You will not see a huge question mark crushing you, but you will see a lot of small, solvable problems somewhere under your feet.
2. Next, identify your potential, your strengths, virtues, advantages, knowledge and skills. That is, find resources and tools to solve these small problems. Evaluate and look for, including external resources (useful acquaintances, support from loved ones, etc.).
3. Constantly review your steps. Watch and be proud as you move from despair to independence and freedom.
4. Consider how wealthy you are in your own eyes. How successful are you in different areas? It suits you? If so, why do you offend yourself with uncertainty and suspiciousness? If not, then you need to draw up a phased (from small tasks) plan for self-realization. It can include anything: get a higher education, take retraining courses, start playing sports, take courses in teaching skills, change your appearance, comprehend oratory. Do everything to please yourself first of all!
5. Similarly to the third stage, track the process of transformation, self-realization.
6. The final chord will be work on the return of trust, faith in love and relationships. Probably, at this stage, you will already be able to ask yourself not why you need it, but why. What did you take away from this situation?

Method "Confessions"

You can forever forgive and say goodbye to your spouse using the “Confession” method. Write down the history of your family life on a piece of paper. Pros and cons in two columns. Read both lists aloud, analyze and summarize. Thank your spouse for all the good things (you can put a chair in front of you and imagine that your ex-husband is sitting there, or print his photo). And then forgive for all the bad things. Next, in front of the mirror, forgive yourself for all the mistakes (“Svetlana, I forgive you for not seeing a liar in this person”). This will be the point in overcoming a divorce. No matter how hard it is, say these words out loud. Believe me, your brain, having said: “Yeah, she finally forgave and let go,” will immediately begin to send signals according to this setting. You can do anything with lists, like burn the negative and keep the list of pluses.

I will make a reservation that rehabilitation after a divorce can take a long time. If you decide to really productively survive this situation, then you need to be patient and strong. Of course, you can drown out any emotions with hard work, partying, or deepening into something else. But sooner or later you will be left alone. And then what? The points above are for you to learn how to live in a new way, rather than trying to constantly run away from yourself and the traumatic situation of divorce.

The goal of your adaptation is to achieve complete independence from your husband and his family. This also includes emotional attachment. I understand how much space in your life was occupied by the spouse. In fact, all life is closely intertwined with his life. Why it can be assumed that it is not easy for you now without a part of yourself, but you need to gain strength to regenerate the lost elements.

1. Learn to control your emotions. Sign up for yoga, learn breathing exercises. Learn to think first and then speak. Say mantras (phrases for self-hypnosis), count, leave the room for a while (to calm down). Learn to switch attention. In general, do whatever you want, but don't get emotional.
2. Go in for sports. The benefits of systematic training for the mind and body have long been proven.
3. Take care of yourself.
4. Allow yourself to do what you could not do before (there was not enough time, the husband was against it).
5. Show healthy selfishness, but do not forget the interests of other participants, especially children. Give preference to constructive solutions to issues.
6. With a "cold" head, approach the solution of everyday, legal problems.
7. If nothing connects you with your ex-spouse, then you can safely just let go of this relationship and go about your life.
8. If you still have common children, then you need to try to improve relations (of course, if the spouse is not dangerous for the child), at least as with a colleague. To do this, try to remember what united you with your spouse, name his positive qualities.

Independence is independence, but remember that if there are children in the family, then the situation looks completely different.

What to do if there are children between you?

The situation of divorce is always complicated when there are minor children in the family. It's not about legal subtleties, alimony. This is a different area. My duty from the position of psychology to highlight another question: how to separate marriage from parenthood and?

• There is a situation when discord with the spouse is projected onto the child, which is why the father tries not to see him at all. Here you, unfortunately, are powerless. You can try to negotiate with your ex-husband, to convey the truth about the innocence of the child. Some men are open to dialogue. But the husband has the last word.
• There is another situation when, along with a divorce, one of the parents loses children. Often, for example, the father is forbidden to see the child, although both parties (child and father) wish it. I’ll make a reservation right away that if this is not your case, then congratulations and permission to skip this section. If this is one of the pressing issues, then I advise you to read the material to the end.

Even if you have ceased to be husband and wife, you remain parents. The child needs care, material and moral support, an example. Divorce does not eliminate parenthood. I do not force anything and do not want to offend anyone, but I must mention that the removal of the father from the child has no better effect on the socialization of your child.

If something like infidelity was the reason for the dissolution of your marriage, then you are probably experiencing more negative feelings. And your desire to completely exclude your spouse from life can be understood. But please, consider your ex-spouse not as a lover or partner, but as a father. Was he doing his father's duty? Provided for the children, talked to them, played? If he was not a bad father (did not beat or humiliate children, did not have a bad influence on them), then allow him to continue to be in this status.

I am sure you are a wise woman and a good mother. If the relationship with the father does not threaten the life and safety of the child, then there is no point in breaking this thread. You are responsible for your child. And such a bold and significant step (to step over oneself a little for the sake of the child) is part of this responsibility.

On a note

Divorce has long been the subject of study by great minds. I suggest you take a break and read the aphorisms of prominent psychologists and psychotherapists for the sake of education and to consolidate the main thoughts about the situation of divorce. It may come in handy for the status on a social network (we do not lose a sense of humor).

1. D. Gottman: "Divorce is better than marriage, like a war."
2. K. Whitaker: "You can become an ex-husband, but not an ex-father."
3. G. Figdor: “It is not the divorce itself that leads the child to disastrous consequences for him, but the divorce that is not fully completed, that is, in fact, an “unsuccessful divorce”.
4. D. Wallerstein: “Every relationship contains the possibility that a wonderful savior will turn from a dream into its opposite; the angel will become a cunning and rejecting demon. A once-idealized partner can turn into a dangerous, destructive evil."

What else do you need to know about the intricacies of divorce? Find out from the video.

Results

Overcoming a divorce requires conscious effort, hard work on yourself. It is necessary not only to survive a divorce, but to work through it. Remember the main goal is to achieve independence.

• It is noted that women endure divorce more emotionally and more deeply, but quickly return to a psychological norm. The depth of experiences is greater for those women who received a proposal for a divorce, and did not make it.
• Only 27% of women remarry. However, they enter into a new relationship in almost 100% of cases.
• Women, on average, go through a divorce in six months to a year, and men - in a year and a half. I think this fact will add you pleasant emotions to the treasury of confidence.

I want to note that if not divorce, but marriage caused a serious one (there was violence, aggression and other antisocial behavior), then perhaps we are talking about a completely different problem -. That is, the fact of divorce brought undeniable relief, but the fear of a new life is associated with life in marriage. In this case, I recommend that you seek the advice of a psychotherapist.

And on the topic of overcoming a divorce at parting, I recommend the book by E. G. Rykhalskaya “Love in a woman’s life: the path from parting and loneliness to a mature relationship.” The author, in an accessible worldly language, describes the complex psychological foundations and aspects of a woman going through a divorce. By the way, reading a book is a great reason to switch attention.

I wish you success in writing a new life chapter. I believe in you!

How to get over a divorce with your husband? In marriage, people are united by love, falling in love, passion, or just warm feelings (if we exclude a wedding of convenience). Often there is also common property, business, children are born. But nevertheless, according to statistics, divorces occur quite often. For some, parting becomes almost a tragedy, while others perceive it as a liberation.

When family ties are broken, there is almost always an initiator who leaves the family, and one or the other who is abandoned. Much less often, divorce occurs by mutual agreement, although this is the best of evils: usually in such cases, separation is carried out in a civilized manner and without any excesses. In view of the rarity of the latter option, the question of whether it is very relevant is almost always when the spouses part.

Emotions at divorce

In most cases, divorce creates a stressful situation for both former spouses. An abandoned member of a broken family, as a rule, experiences bitterness, mental pain and resentment. And the one who leaves may feel guilt, aggression, a desire to prove something or challenge. Almost always, both former spouses are subject to strong feelings.

In radical cases, if for many years of living together one of the spouses (as a rule, this is the husband) showed violence, cruelty towards other family members (including children), for the second spouse there comes a moment when cohabitation becomes simply impossible .

Here, divorce is akin to flight, and if the spouse decides to leave everything, take the children and run away as far as possible, then the question “how to survive a divorce from her husband?” has a slightly different character. In this case, the main desires are getting rid of the persecution of the former spouse, protecting children. Also, a woman wants to start a new life as soon as possible.

Often, the experiences that some people have in the process of divorce are comparable to the loss of a loved one, especially if the separation occurs unexpectedly, like a bolt from the blue. A person falls into depression, begins to feel humiliated, betrayed and deceived when he is confronted with the fact that the spouse does not want to continue a seemingly prosperous and well-established life.

Almost always, a divorce deals a powerful blow to the self-worth, dignity and pride of the spouse who was abandoned.

Experiences are especially aggravated if the departed spouse immediately creates another family. Divorce often represents the collapse of hopes and life plans that were associated with family relationships. The castle in the air is rapidly collapsing, and a happy, or at least just a familiar and settled life in marriage becomes just an illusion.

In such a situation, it is quite difficult, and there is not only the problem of getting out of the emotional collapse, overcoming mental trauma, but also the need to resolve the issue of how to continue to live. And the hardest and most painful endure of the dissolution of marriage are those who lose a truly loved one.

post-divorce syndrome

Not always a break with a spouse is experienced easily, even if the relationship was terrible. For many women who have been married for years as if in hell, divorce is still a shocking event. And the point here is not only in the multitude of emerging material and everyday problems (the division of property, the exchange of housing, moving, financial difficulties, etc.).

The spouses have a psychological dependence, which may even seem paradoxical. But it is precisely this dependence, called post-divorce syndrome by experts in the field of psychology, that prevents a woman from relatively calmly surviving a divorce.

When parting with a spouse, the first thoughts of a woman are connected with missed opportunities, lost best years. There may be a feeling of own insolvency, uselessness, loss of the meaning of life, abandonment. And such experiences easily drive women to despair.

Sometimes beautiful ladies blame themselves for wrong behavior, actions, they cannot forgive this and engage in self-flagellation. True, the ex-husband is much more often accused, especially if he left for another person. Despair and such accusations can lead to actions that are likely to be regretted after the normal functioning of the mind is restored.

Often there is an irresistible desire to take revenge using any means that justify the goal. As terrible as it is, children often act as an instrument of revenge.

The father is forbidden to communicate with them, to give gifts to the child. Children begin to be taught that their dad is bad, a scoundrel, etc. The foundation of such actions and experiences is mainly conservative and somewhat distorted ideas about family life and divorce, the value of one's personality and oneself.

Negative emotions based on guilt, anger, despair, resentment and excessive feelings often destroy the emotional balance of a woman and even her loved ones (especially children), and the consequences of divorce can affect the rest of her life. Therefore, it is very important to know how to survive a divorce from your husband and incur minimal losses in psychological terms and future life.

Typical divorce scenario

Usually, the termination of a civil or registered marriage occurs according to several typical scenarios, which are designed to distract from mental pain, sad thoughts, or are aimed at getting rid of psychological trauma.

First of all, the reaction to a traumatic event is manifested in the form of rejection and shock. Especially if the divorce is a complete surprise for the partner. The person does not want to believe that this is happening to him. And if the abandoned spouse has high self-esteem, then it was difficult for him to even imagine that someone could leave him, because the habit of increased attention had already developed. This gives rise to the illusion that the partner who wants to divorce simply attracts attention in this way or wants to teach a lesson.

In a situation where an abandoned woman is endowed with painful self-esteem and by all means concealed a sense of her own inferiority, she tries to demonstrate and very aggressively defend her right to a spouse.

Attempts are being made to get "truthful information" from the ex-husband, which are realized through constant calls and appointments for a sincere conversation. Sometimes there are tantrums, scandals and public showdowns. Blackmail or threats may even be used, when the husband is promised to be deprived of money, communication with children, etc.

How can you help yourself and others avoid this situation? It is necessary to involve as intermediaries not only friends or close relatives (who can become both peacekeepers and enemies), but also psychologists, the police, social services, and lawyers. But in any case, such behavior negatively affects the emotional state of both divorcing spouses.

Aggression directed at an ex-husband, as an attempt to survive a divorce, creates only the appearance of being right and in fact does not distract from the heartache and feeling of humiliation. Aggressive behavior allows you to increase your own significance, and only in your perception. A woman who has been abandoned often begins to play the role of a victim and imposes a similar role on children. In return, she may even receive approval, pity and sympathy from her friends, acquaintances and relatives.

In some cases, this scenario can play out over months or even years. Thus, instead of looking for a rational answer to questions about how to survive a divorce and build a normal future life separately from the former household, a person dooms himself to wallow in the illusory world of unfulfilled dreams and unjustified hopes.

Once in a stressful situation due to a divorce, you need to understand whether the source of mental pain is really connected with the loss of a spouse who did not want to continue living together. Maybe the departed husband helped to do something that could not be decided? Maybe this is a second chance to build a happy life? It is worth thinking about how to continue life, look for new opportunities and interests. Then there may be no place left for experiences.

Getting rid of negative emotions

In the process of divorce, the beloved in the past spouse becomes the main enemy, and if another lady is also the cause of the collapse of the family, then the ex-husband automatically turns into the only culprit of the event. But the well-known truth is that both sides are to blame for the conflict. And this truth must be recognized.

Of course, in such a case, everyone wants to present themselves as a victim, and the husband who left the family as an offender, because then their own responsibility for a negative event is completely ignored. But, even if it sounds trite, harmonious relationships do not destroy on their own. And if the spouse leaves the family, then there was neither idyll nor harmony. Realizing this fact does not mean at all that you need to curse yourself for wrong behavior and mistakes, thereby intensifying experiences.

Divorce, like any life event, should be seen as an experience to be learned from. To do this, you need to critically evaluate your life in marriage and find out that you are wrong in certain areas. Such reflection is necessary in order not to make old mistakes in new relationships, but to start everything from scratch.

Quite often, fashion magazines advise you to do something unusual, new and interesting to get rid of negative thoughts. However, in reality, this is not easy or almost impossible to do. After all, simply shrugging off thoughts, like an annoying insect, will not work - they can even come in a dream.

Psychologists, on the other hand, are of a different opinion, recommending not to hide their feelings, because powerful emotional outbursts in the form of fear, hatred, resentment, anger require a mandatory exit. How to throw out the negative? Definitely you should not call your ex-spouse and express all your thoughts to him.

Prerequisites for the departure of a man from the family

There can be a lot of reasons for a husband to decide to divorce, but it is extremely rare that he leaves the family to be left alone. Withered love or loss of affection for a woman in itself can rarely become a real reason for divorce if a man has no one to go to.

Usually, the ex-husband finds another woman, as if preparing the way for retreat, and only then divorces his wife. And it is not at all necessary that a man feels great love for a new passion. The whole thing can only be in psychological comfort.

For example, some husbands cannot bear that their wife earns more, has a better education, is more responsible, and it is easier for them to live with another lady. Or you get tired of constant claims from the spouse, demands and arguments about how a “real man” should act.

Few men like to be constantly "sawed". Knowing these things may help you avoid divorce, but if it does happen, you need to understand how to survive it with minimal losses. Below are some suggestions for this.

1. You need to come to terms with the idea that divorce is a real event that happens to you, and not to friends, acquaintances, etc. The function of "reality denial" should be excluded. Divorce is a husband's choice and does not make anyone better or worse. It’s just that everyone decides for himself how to build a life and with whom to spend it.
2. It is worth respecting the choice of the initiator of the breakup and avoiding accusations or moral claims. It is hardly necessary to blame a person for wanting to change his life for the better.
3. Revenge and anger are subject to mandatory exclusion from their emotions and behavior, since they will only spoil health and peace of mind. And the use of children is categorically unacceptable, because then considerable psychological damage will be inflicted on them.
4. Shouting "all men are goats!" and you should not lose contact with them in any case. But there is no need to rush into a new marriage either.
5. Alcohol is absolutely not an option. You don't need to relieve stress. The same can usually be said about medicines. They can be taken only on the recommendation of a doctor.
6. Girls need to move forward, make bold plans, arrange a new life, take care of themselves. You should not look for secret signs in what happened and cling to the past.

For any woman, the words: “I am divorcing you” become a true tragedy and a real shock. How to behave when the world is practically collapsing before our eyes, how to survive betrayal and divorce, how to recover from a breakup, what needs to be done and what mistakes it is better not to make - we will figure it out together.

How to behave during a divorce?

The main rule of conduct during a divorce is to remain calm and composure. You can contact a psychotherapist who will recommend special trainings and prescribe sedative drugs. If a woman feels that she cannot calmly contact her ex-husband, it is better to turn to an intermediary - hire a lawyer.

What is Post Divorce Syndrome?

How to survive a divorce with your husband? Often, parting is not easy to endure even for its initiator or for a woman for whom marital ties were a heavy burden, and living together with her husband was like a nightmare. The state of shock is caused not only and not so much by the multitude of formalities, material and domestic difficulties.

The so-called post-divorce syndrome often prevents a woman from surviving a divorce with dignity and calmly accepting changes in her life. Experts attribute its occurrence to the presence of psychological interdependence between spouses.

Sometimes such a dependence looks paradoxical, but its existence cannot be denied.

The emotional balance of a woman after a divorce is disturbed, and many simply do not know how to behave correctly in order to recover faster and return to a full normal life, to cope with the post-divorce syndrome. The symptoms of the latter are the following signs:

1. a feeling of uselessness, loss of meaning in life - this is often experienced by those who happened to go through a difficult divorce;
2. feeling of failure, abandonment;
3. self-flagellation (a woman blames herself for breaking up with her husband, blames herself for words, deeds and even thoughts that, in her opinion, acted as a catalyst for separation);
4. hatred for the ex-spouse (especially if the reason for the separation was the new romantic relationship of the ex-husband);
5. despair provoked by reflections on missed opportunities and lost best years.

It should be remembered that painlessly surviving a divorce from your husband - especially if you still love him - is almost impossible. It doesn’t matter if the spouses lived together for six months, 10, 15 or 20 years - it will be hard to endure betrayal, calm down and forget. Surviving betrayal and parting is difficult, but some advice from professional psychologists will help ease the experience of parting with your loved one:

What if there is a child?

Divorce in a family where there is a child or even more than one (couples with two or three children break up) is much more difficult than separation for childless couples. Both parents should remember that no matter how hard it is for them to survive the breakup, the child is many times more painful and difficult during this period. Children feel unwanted and abandoned, often blame themselves for the separation of their parents.

During a divorce, both spouses are worried, but they have no moral right to withdraw into themselves and ignore the child's needs for affection, care, love and attention. Some go to the other extreme, making their daughter or son the "confidant" of their experiences. It is already difficult for a child, there is no need to burden him with the burden of parental suffering.

Some mothers, seeking to take revenge on their spouse for treason and hurt him, choose a child as an instrument of their revenge. The father is forbidden to see the children, to give them gifts.

At the same time, the mother constantly denigrates the image of the father in the eyes of the children, trying to impose on them her own sense of resentment towards him. This is a mistake that often becomes fatal.

You can’t transfer your negative emotions to the child, which are actually related to the father. Some mothers see in their children a “reflection” of their offender, and, not being able to take revenge on him, begin to consciously or unconsciously hurt his children, forgetting that they are their children too.

For a child, mother and father are equally dear and loved. The survival instinct in his subconscious, developed by millions of years of evolution, will force him to choose a mother. However, in his own eyes, he will forever remain a traitor to his father.

It is impossible to insult and slander a father in the presence of children, no matter how bad a person he may seem from the mother’s point of view. The child should be given the opportunity to draw their own conclusions. Otherwise, there is a risk that children will develop mental and physical abnormalities, and if this cannot be avoided, then in the future they are unlikely to be able to create a normal family.

Is it worth it to take revenge and immediately start a new relationship?

Many people think about revenge after a breakup. At first glance, it seems to them quite logical and natural - to respond with a blow for a blow, to inflict pain as a response to her husband's betrayal and the suffering caused. However, it is important to remember that revenge is a destructive process. The time spent on it will be lost forever - and this is at best.

Believing ladies in such situations are helped by the advice of an Orthodox priest or spiritual mentor of their religion. Not a single spiritual movement recognizes revenge as a charitable deed. Psychologists in this case agree with the opinion of the priests: revenge is aimed at destroying, not only the life of the ex-spouse and the offender, but also one's own.

Often, after the dissolution of a marriage, a period of stormy and fleeting novels begins. Thus, a person tries to fill the gaping emptiness inside and at least somehow distract himself from experiences. In fact, a great and bright feeling rarely grows out of such relationships - more often a break follows, no less painful than the first. As a result, another innocent person suffers.

Of course, some manage to meet their true love soon after the breakup of obsolete relationships. In most cases, someone from a close circle becomes such a ray of hope. A man who was not noticed before finally gets his chance to prove that it is he who can make a woman truly happy.

Such stories happen in reality, but ... they happen infrequently. A tear is like an open wound. It takes time for it to stop hurting. At first, a person willy-nilly compares his new relationship with those that can no longer be returned. Someone is looking for a copy of their former half, someone makes a choice in favor of the opposite.

In order for a new relationship to really become long and happy, you need psychological readiness.

If in her thoughts a woman compares new boyfriends with her ex-husband, it means that she is not yet ready to move on to a new stage in her life. There is no need to rush - in such matters, haste can only aggravate the condition of a woman.

However, it is also impossible to delay the pause too much. Some ladies, especially those who liked the image of the victim, take a kind of vow of celibacy, justifying this decision with the concept "all men are goats." Such an approach has not yet brought happiness to anyone, and after a couple of years, those around it begin to cause not sympathy, but irritation.

What can't be done?

Regardless of the type of temperament, habits, age, moral principles and characteristics of relationships in a broken family, almost all women make the same mistakes during a divorce. At first glance, it may seem that such behavior is natural and justified, but in reality it only aggravates the position of a woman:

• image of the victim. If the spouse initiated the separation, the wife really wants to prove her case and arouse sympathy from others, I want them not only to empathize with her, but also blame him for betrayal. In this case, it is pointless to talk about your sufferings and denigrate the image of your spouse in every possible way. It won't get any easier, and you can get stuck in the image of an innocent victim for many years.
• Intimate relationship with ex-spouse. Such a relationship can continue for years even after the marriage has been dissolved. By agreeing to "farewell sex", a woman subconsciously feels unfree and will not be able to recover and start a new relationship until this is over.
• Surveillance. Some ladies devote all their time to watching the ex-husband - they constantly "monitor" his pages on social networks, and sometimes they literally follow him.
• Endless calls. Attempts to fill the void inside, just listening to your native voice on the telephone, repeated showdowns do not lead to anything good.

There were many negative things in your family life. You endured for a long time and tried to save your family, but it didn’t work out. And then a rainy day came - they got their hands on a passport with a symbolic divorce stamp. How to live? What to do next? There is a feeling that at this moment everything is over. Then a dead end and no prospects. All joint plans now have no meaning, and, of course, they are no longer destined to come true. Was it worth it to get divorced, maybe it was possible to glue the broken cup together? Well, if you still decided - why is it so difficult to survive the divorce process and part with a person who seems to be not sweet to the heart or has caused a serious offense? Why do spouses, who, it would seem, are no longer connected by anything, feel complete spiritual and physiological emptiness when they part? What is the reason for strange and very unpleasant processes in a person?

Was there a chance to save the family

Psychologists often like to repeat that the family is work, and the hardest, not tolerating haste, recklessness. There are no days off, no holidays, no holidays. Day and night, everything must be done so that harmony and peace reign in the family. You constantly need to make compromises, concessions, realizing that the fate of each household depends on this. But you can’t beat your head against the wall all your life if you don’t see future prospects.

There are moments that absolutely cannot be forgiven. But in this case, the accumulated resentment and anger will rather allow you to breathe easy after the divorce, and not cry. But what if everything was fine, nothing foreshadowed trouble, the husband was loving, respected you and tried to appreciate all your efforts. But then another turned up, and, as they say, you can’t command your heart. At first I got carried away, deceptions began, secret conversations on the phone.

And that day, the most terrible of your life, when you found out about. And it doesn't matter - he himself honestly admitted or you accidentally found out about it from others, caught it on the "hot", etc. He stops breathing, a terrible pain in the chest area spreads throughout the body, the cry of the soul freezes in the throat. I want to not just scream, but moan, roar like a beluga. Even women who do not love their spouse are subjected to such feelings, and then what can we say about those who saw in him the light in the window and the only happiness in their lives. It turns out that there is no more light, there is no single one, and she was left completely alone in the whole wide world. Of the 7.5 billion people inhabiting the planet - all strangers. Relatives, friends, walls and dishes become strangers. Perhaps even irritation with the children, because even they could not stop the father from betrayal.

What to do when your husband asks for a divorce

If a woman loves, then she is ready to forgive her beloved anything. Even betrayal, which cannot be called otherwise than betrayal, she can swallow and try to continue to pretend as if nothing had happened. But this will not “pass” if a man is really in love with another woman and decided to connect his life with her. You can delay the divorce, but not for a long time. Blackmail children - again, he will choose her. To threaten that you will take away the business, poison your rival, lay hands on yourself - but all these attempts are in vain, he will leave, you can be sure.

Consequences of "forced" retention of an unfaithful spouse

Let's look at this situation from the other side. Imagine for a moment that you still managed to stop him. It is not known which way - through children, work, his life. In general, something had an effect on him. What's next?

1. Love for another will not fade away, but, on the contrary, the feeling will only intensify. Remember the expression "Forbidden fruit - forbidden sweet!". And while you are trying to mend relationships and restore the family, he will most likely meet with her secretly. And as a result, all the same will leave. And you could already recover and start a new life during this time. And what have they become? In order not to let your hubby out of the family nest, you completely lowered your own self-esteem, turned into a cook, ready to fulfill all his whims. Previously, he never raised his hands to you, now every now and then he can slap you in the face, at least insult, humiliate. And why not? After all, you wanted him to stay - be content, be patient! They allowed themselves to be manipulated, used as a thing. Is it correct?
2. Left at home and feeling longing for a new lover, a man will begin to hate everyone who is nearby. Unfortunately, children can also fall under the blow of his aggression. And they tend to be very sensitive to changes in adult relationships. Deception, duplicity, humiliation of the mother, they absorb like a sponge. And growing up, they can try on the same role - become deceitful, hate their father and mother, people. What do you think is more expensive? The health of your children or the satisfaction of personal ambitions, the return of the comfort that you feel with a person who does not love you?
3. He stayed, did not go to another, cooled down over time, it also happens, he forgot about his hobby and completely belongs to you. But it seems so only at first glance. His betrayal and the former desire to leave for another already suggests that there are no those feelings that you once experienced for you. You will be furniture for him, a flowerpot, a girlfriend, an interlocutor, but no one else. You can not count on the role of your beloved. Now you will continually be afraid of his meetings with strangers, jealous, and maybe follow. That is, you will go straight along the path of humiliated and offended women of failures who could not endure the vicissitudes of fate and take up their lives. Agree, the picture is deplorable.

Why do women tolerate divorce worse?

This is not an invention of the townsfolk that it is more difficult for us to survive the process of divorce, the fact has been proven by psychologists. The reason for this is our excessive impressionability, emotionality.

1. By nature, we all experience more deeply, even if we are in the toughest club of feminists. You can't change the soul, you can't change the degree of responsibility at the subconscious level. No matter what masks we put on, in our hearts we still remain weak and defenseless women.
2. The second reason - to be "lonely indecent"! They remembered the expression from the famous movie when the lady claimed that a woman cannot live alone. At least 30 years have passed since the picture was released, and we still continue to be ashamed of our loneliness. This means that no one needs me, and people will decide that something is wrong with me, there are physical, psychological defects, etc. In short, a swarm of thoughts in the head, and one is worse than the other.
3. Fear of being in poverty. You are used to the fact that there was prosperity and security in the house thanks to the earnings of your husband, and now you are left with an empty trough. Especially horror and anxiety arise in a woman left with children. And this is understandable, they need to be fed, dressed, taught, etc. No matter how much men swear that they will not forget about their obligations and fully guarantee material wealth, they do not always fulfill the promise. His alienation can be influenced by a new passion, for which communication with children will be like a “red rag”. After all, she took away from the family not in order to share his profits.

10 Best Ways to Get Over a Divorce

It is clear that first of all you need to recover mentally. Psychologists strongly advise women to allow themselves to endure, survive the separation. Sounds weird? Let's try to explain more clearly. Let's say to ourselves that in our hearts we seem to agree that there is no future. But somewhere in the corners of the subconscious, it ticks every now and then - “It’s wrong if I calmly let him go”, ““ It’s unnatural, it’s calm about divorce”, etc. What prevents you from coming to the right perception:

1. Lack of faith that life goes on and there will be more pleasant moments.
2. No desire to live on.
3. Husband’s insults “Who needs you”, “I will quickly find myself, and you will remain alone” and others made you doubt your own viability.
4. Lost self-confidence.

In order to allow yourself to adequately endure a divorce, you need to understand that you are worth the best, you can and should move on in life, you will not look back at the past and take place as a true woman. As soon as you realize the last lines, you will immediately feel relief, and maybe satisfaction from your own confidence.

Forgive him and let go on all four sides

As soon as the idea that you are not against a divorce has settled in your sweet head, think over the mechanism of action. First of all, you need to understand your spouse, forgive and let go. Whatever happened before - scandals, deceit, duplicity, game, manipulation - forget it. You need to move forward, but you will cling to the past, the anchor of inaction will not allow you to budge. The main thing is that there is no resentment in your soul. And yet, ask him for forgiveness for your casually thrown insulting words, actions that brought him discomfort. Become a welcoming, friendly and open woman - not for him, for yourself. And let him look and be surprised.

Work, work again

You will be surprised, but work will help to come to your senses! If you already have it - plunge into the new project with your head. Ask for an extra load. So easily switch attention and feel your need. Haven't worked yet? Find her. Yes, you have to spend a little time, it does not matter. You will not rush to the first offer that comes across. Explore all kinds of offers - the Internet, job exchanges, classified newspapers, friends' advice, social networks, etc.

Decide on housing

Decide on a place to live if you stay on the street. It is necessary to try to fairly resolve the issue - who will get real estate (if any). Is it possible to divide, or do you have the right to claim it in its entirety. In any case, it is always easier for a man to find asylum, and without a doubt, contact an experienced and trusted lawyer.

Eliminate additional stress

Experiencing a difficult period of divorce, a woman should not be subjected to additional psychological stress. Otherwise, it will explode like a bomb that has reached its boiling point. So, what is needed for this:

1. Go around the tenth road places with a large crowd of people: fairs, subways, bus stations, airports, railway stations, etc.
2. Limit to a minimum contacts with people who are unpleasant to you, with whom there is a conflict.
3. Try not to contact your mother if she lectures every now and then.
4. Reduce the amount of coffee, caffeine excites an already shattered nervous system.
5. Do not listen to loud music, try to turn off rock, metal and other hard currents.
6. If you have a job, don't change it. A new place means new emotions, which means additional stress.
7. Do not try to start repair work at home, except for light cosmetics.
8. It is categorically impossible to give a car for repair, a vehicle allows you to switch from dark thoughts and focus on the road, road signs, etc.
9. Relax, take a warm bath with rich foam, aromatic and soothing herbs.
10. Sign up for a relaxation studio, take a course of massage procedures, acupuncture.
11. Consult a doctor, check your health and if there are chronic, neglected diseases, take care of them.
12. Sleep at least 7 hours a day, do not shorten your sleep. If insomnia occurs, drink herbal teas, but do not get carried away with sleeping pills.

Take up a new hobby

We are not talking about men, we are only talking about taking your hands and head with a new, exciting business. Fortunately, now there are a lot of studios, clubs and groups, thanks to which you can choose a business to your liking. A woman left alone with problems has a tremendous amount of energy and an adrenaline rush. In order to direct it in a positive direction, it would be nice to remember childhood hobbies.

Maybe you once wanted to become the best confectioner - please. There are such master classes on the Internet that you can become a true professional in the confectionery business. Sign up for knitting courses and give your loved ones stunning handmade blouses, socks, hats and scarves. If you want, open your own store and put up your own masterpieces for sale. Now in a hand-made ode, so do not miss the chance to prove yourself as a business woman.

Or maybe you dreamed of learning to dance, but family life did not give you the opportunity. Decided that the years do not allow? What nonsense - go and dance. Choose your pair and have fun. Dance movements, especially when paired with a nice partner, contribute to the production of the hormone of joy. You will feel additional happiness in about 1-1.5 months by looking at your reflection in the mirror. Do you recognize? Yes, it's you, only slim, happy and self-confident.

Start playing musical instruments. A friend of mine dreamed of learning to play the piano since childhood. But, her mother did not have the financial means to enroll her daughter in a music school and pay 25 rubles every month (in those days this was a colossal amount). A friend grew up, was married, and after about 10 years, her husband left for another. Of course, she suffered, but still pulled herself together. But the real miracle happened when she remembered her dream. No, there was no entry to the music school. She had to spend money on an instrument, and she studied through online lessons. And what do you think, as it turned out, there was such a talent in her that her friends also noticed. By the way, at one of the concerts, a very interesting man approached her with flowers. Now he is her husband, they live happily and even gave birth to a daughter, despite the fact that my friend was already 47 years old.

Set yourself up for positive

In order to survive a divorce without harming the psyche, you need to work with it. And do not even think to argue that only professionals in the field of psychology can do this. So what needs to be done. Take a blank sheet of paper and reflect on it the actions that reflect only the positive. For example:

1. It's morning, I woke up and smile!
2. I take an apple out of the fridge and rejoice!
3. Morning coffee tastes amazing, what a delight!
4. A ray of sunshine breaks through the curtain - what happiness!
5. A long-awaited purchase hangs in the closet - a beautiful blouse, I will be beautiful in it!
6. I'll be the first to arrive at work, what a class!
7. A little more and after work I will go to my favorite club!

The list of pleasant things and emotions is endless. The main thing is that you do not forget to look into it and do not give chances for the manifestation of negativity. As soon as thoughts about the former “wake up” in your head, the pain that he caused, immediately read the points. What is seen causes the brain to switch from the internal state, that is, it replaces a bad picture with a good one.

Turn on fun and light music, watch videos with funny kids, kittens. Smile!

fall in love

You are already a sophisticated woman with some experience in dealing with men. Let yourself fall in love a little. We want to warn you right away - you don’t need to fall head over heels in love, this will aggravate the situation. Remember coquetry. A light and relaxed, non-binding feeling will completely eliminate the longing and pain for the departed spouse. Thanks to the new temporary gentleman, you will understand that the words of the former about your "no one needs" were empty chatter.

Get out of the house

Do not try to sit up in the four walls that put pressure on you, forcing you to remember the past. You need to get out more often, communicate with friends, see new faces, show interest in new acquaintances. Going out in public is always accompanied by the selection of an outfit. And here, whether you like it or not, a woman is connected on a subconscious level, who wants to radiate joy, beauty and look only “excellent”. Time after time, looking at your beautiful reflection, you will realize that you deserve only the best.

During a party with girlfriends, old acquaintances, try light cocktails, eat sweets (but do not overdo it), dance, rejoice. Let the energy and adrenaline do their job with your depressed psyche - wake it up and direct it in a positive direction.

love yourself

No man can love a woman if she does not feel this feeling towards herself. You should not just love, but be in love with yourself: with your appearance, character, figure, upbringing, etc. Go to the mirror - you don't like something? This means that there is a front of work, and it must be completed immediately.

Get yourself in order, pull yourself up, dye your hair, tidy up your nails, get good cosmetics. In short, do everything to look like "candy".

As for the figure, stop eating your problem. Reduce the amount of proteins, sugars. Well, what can I say, you yourself perfectly understand which products should be limited.

Don't look back

It seemed that the divorce was over, you had just begun to “show” signs of life, and here you are, a call from the former. It is not clear for what reasons he was again drawn to communicate with you, but you should not return to the same river. Every time he fails, he will turn you on as a "duty" wife, who can be used at will. In any case, if you have not yet extinguished the embers of love for him, think a hundred times before resuming a relationship. There is a "golden" statement - "left once, the second will leave." You are not a transit point, a transit station where you can while away the loneliness and rush on, leaving you alone again with tears.

And finally, do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist. You understand that you cannot cope with the pain of separation, resentment gnaws, you don’t want to live. And you have to live, if only in order to prove to yourself how strong and worthy you are. Only an experienced specialist who understands the state of a woman who has survived a divorce can help recover from stress and move on with her head proudly.

Divorce - a new life or a bereavement? My story

To this day, I don’t regret a single bit that I once broke up with my husband. Our family fell apart very quickly, we did not even live a year together. But during this time I realized how it should look like, and that it was not possible to achieve this from my ex.

The reason for my divorce lay in his attitude, and later in treason. My husband began to avoid me, did not pay attention to me, constantly brought me to tears and avoided serious conversations. I loved him, I wanted children, and he insisted that he was not ready. I began to wonder why I even got married, just out of desperation? I looked for flaws in myself and constantly justified it.

But soon I found out the reason for his behavior, he told me! Girlfriends told me that they saw him in the company of an unfamiliar girl. But I didn't pay attention to it. After some time, he began to disappear on business trips or stay late at work. On the phone, I saw his correspondence with a certain Alena and understood everything.

I asked him a question directly, he without any hesitation revealed his secret to me. He said that he would take a walk and maybe calm down, it just takes time, but I still didn’t believe him and didn’t forgive him.

I could not live with such a person, and my husband was not averse to getting a divorce in order to become free and walk further.

Close people do not support your divorce - make them change their minds!

On the very first day, I called my mother, who took my news with irony. She tried to convince me that I invented everything myself, that correspondence is not a reason for divorce. But when she found out that my husband himself confessed to treason, she was very upset. I convinced my mother that while I am young and we do not have children yet, this issue needs to be addressed radically. She supported me and said that this is not the end of my story, and that everything is still ahead.

There were still people close to me who did not quit in difficult times, and for this we thank them very much. Among them were divorced, and remarried, and even those who, after a divorce, did not find female happiness. And I wanted to be the same, cheerful and happy.

Tell your loved ones only the truth, do not exaggerate or underestimate the circumstances. Native people will always understand you and support you in difficult times.

How to survive a divorce from your beloved husband and get yourself out of depression?

No matter how difficult it is, but you need to try. Experiences, fears, resentment - these are the companions that haunt every woman after a divorce. Therefore, it is necessary to learn to think positively.

If there are children, it is better to think about them. If they are not, then excellent options would be:

• vacation trip planning;
• organizing a meeting with friends;
• watching your favorite movies, comedies are better;
• even just cooking dinner or lunch can help you get distracted.
• many women claim that housework distracted them from problems and quarrels. You can get two benefits from one session.

Leaving your husband everything you have acquired together and leaving yourself is the right way!

A change of scenery is the best option to quickly forget about problems. The apartment where my ex-husband and I lived was his, so I had to move out. I went to my parents: where I spent my childhood. As if by magic - as soon as I arrived, it became much easier for me. Home environment, memories of a happy childhood made me forget for a while about the problems that haunted me throughout the year. And parental care and support helped me to recover completely.

Some even leave for another city to completely erase their memories. Sometimes it hurts so much to see places, to walk those streets where you were happy, or even worse, to see your ex with another woman.

Fitness helped to survive depression after a divorce and transform yourself

They say that even a simple haircut can help in this difficult situation. During the marriage, I forgot about myself a little, stopped caring for my hair and face, and tears left a mark on it.

After all this, I was reborn. It’s just that my thoughts have changed: how I look, whether others will like me, and where to go to show all this. For a while, I forgot about the problems and worries.

Find a hobby - and why not!

My hobby is sports , I often went to the gym, worked hard. This method is well distracting, it is unlikely that while running or lifting the bar you will want to think about the past.

Another indispensable attribute was a punching bag, I splashed out all the negativity on it.

In the rest of my free time, I did work, went to visit friends and had a good time.

“You yourself are to blame for the divorce,” an inner voice tells me. Is that so?

Many women feel guilty about divorce. It so happened that women blame themselves for divorce: if the wife stops liking and satisfying her husband, then the male sex wants freedom and something new. The question is, why then marry? Men require a lot of attention, like little children. And women, like domestic kittens, become quiet and monotonous.

When a man wants something new, and he is unhappy with a woman, then the fault is not only hers. Why not diversify life with your wife, start caring for her, and again become, like many years ago, a couple in love to the point of losing consciousness. Many men believe that their role is only in earning money and procreation, and women will do the rest.

Therefore, there is no one-sided fault of a woman here. Both husband and wife should equally support their marriage. If you blame only yourself, then until the end of your life you can be left alone, and the former will enjoy life.

This tool is very effective! Getting rid of negativity, hatred and anger is the best way to start a new life. Here it is not necessary to ask for forgiveness from him, you can just let go of the whole past, mentally say thank you for the lesson and enjoy life further.

Remembering your ex-husband, you don’t need to get angry and wish harm, it’s better to remember everything calmly. Over time, you begin to believe that it was just a dream.

Be confident

After the divorce, I thought that this was a stigma, no one needed a divorce. This is the most stupid and erroneous opinion. Now every third divorced. So what happens? Are they all unhappy and live alone? This is the most stupid statement of single, divorced people.

If a person really loves and wants to build relationships, nothing will stop him. Otherwise, it's not the same man. Belief in yourself and in the fact that the best is yet to come, that there will be a soul mate will help you find female happiness.

Here's what different psychologists said about the reasons for divorce - experts' opinions about marriage

Psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky believes that a person does not have a line between logic and emotions. In marriage and after it, emotions often predominate, for which there may not be an explanation. People swear, shout at each other, not realizing that words hurt more than actions. If a person is vulnerable, he may forever be left alone and not find his soul mate. You need to logically think through your behavior and words, then everything will be much easier.

Maxim Tsvetkov claims that both are to blame for the divorce. Spouses, blaming each other, refuse to understand and admit their guilt, which leads to quarrels and divorce. It takes courage and fortitude to apologize and forgive. Most often, in subsequent marriages, the same mistakes will be made if they are not stopped in time.

Everyone has their own opinion on divorce. People who once loved each other, could not imagine life without a soulmate, become bitter enemies with a bunch of claims. It is possible to change the situation, but not everyone can do it, for fear of losing their pride. But love does not tolerate pride, it destroys it.

Respect yourself and love, then the man will appreciate you. Remember, if it so happened that you had to get a divorce, then it was necessary, and this is not your man. Do not give up and fight for your happiness, then it will definitely find you.

Alexandra, 25 years old